HOW TO BE OFFENSIVE AT A WEDDING
* Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds.
* Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet.
* Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog.
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* As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person.
* Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job.
* Propose a toast to the bride's nose job.
* Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came from.
* Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations.
* After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, "Throw your bra, throw your bra..."
* Tell the rabbi that there's no money to pay him, and ask if he'll settle for stupping the bride.
* Assure the bride's mother that the groom is "hung like a horse."
* Return a bra which the bride left in your car.
* When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the way and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp."
* Instead of paying to dance with the bride in the "Dollar Dance", ask her for a lap dance.
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